The way in which we learn to love others within that relationship is to withdraw our projections from them. The way we learn to love ourselves is to be still. The way we learn to love one another is to withdraw our projections from them. And the projections we throw onto others are of two kinds. There are the positive projections: “This person is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in the world.” “This is the most wonderful community I’ve ever entered in my life; it’s got all the answers for me.” “This relationship is going to fulfil me and satisfy me; it answers every need I have and it will heal every wound I’ve ever had.” Such idealistic projections have to be withdrawn. To love others, we cannot condemn them to playing out the roles of our idealised projections. Withdrawing those projections is a major step in maturity and it is the work, of course, that we perform in meditation.
(Aspects of Love 2 by Laurence Freeman OSB )
